Marriages are, really, quite commonly almost or completely sexless. According to psychotherapists, the numbers range between 20-50%, depending on several factors, such as age, personalities, general interest in sex, concurrence between the partners in their sexual desires, and the quality of relationship in general. Yet, in short married people don’t have as much sex as others, however contradictory that might sound. Here are four steps you need to take to deal with sexless marriage:
* Diagnose the problem
There are many reasons why a couple might not be having sex or having it very infrequently. So, if your marriage is suffering from a lack of it, the first thing you need to do is to diagnose the problem. Ideally, you will do this together with your spouse, but if they are not willing to participate at this stage, you can do it yourself.
* Talk about the problem
When you made one or several hypotheses about what’s cause behind the current state of your marriage, talk, talk and talk with your partner about it compassionately, without using the situation to cast blame, without accusing anyone, just simply express your emotions, express your needs, express your love and your desire to fix the problem. Explain to your partner that you feel that sex is a form of intimacy that you would love to reinvigorate it in your marriage.
* Don’t talk about the problem
Once you and your spouse are on the same page and you both want to get sex back into your marriage, stop talking about it. Many psychotherapists see this often see this happening – couples who tried to fix things by constantly talking about sex (or lack thereof). Although their intentions are pure, this puts too much pressure on the issue that is already breaking under the burden of tension surrounding it. Some therapists even “prescribe” a ban on sex!
* Be patient
Finally – be patient, don’t push it, and just let things happen on their own. Or not. No pressure. Remember one simple truth – sex’s worst enemy is tension. Being married seems to come with lower frequency of sexual intercourse, that is true. And for many, this presents a great problem and often even a cause for divorce or extramarital affairs. Yet, before you succumb to panic, you might also want to consider one more thing.