5 Tips To Resolve Fights Between Parent And Children
By: Pinki Sun, 22 Mar 2020 5:34 PM
When you get into conflict with your children, it doesn’t have to be the end of the world, or even miserable, take a look at the following list of ground rules for fair fighting. I think you’ll find practical and realistic ways to help you actually resolve the conflict instead of making the conflict worse.Fighting with parents can be stressful, especially when we have so much to be appreciative for. The bond with parent and child is incredibly strong, and unfortunately, we often have the most tension with those whom we love and care for the most. By working on communicating well, we can minimize conflicts with parents and get past obstacles easier together.
* Understand Their Story
Put yourself in your parent's shoes, and ask for him or her to fully express the reasoning behind the actions and behaviors. Even if you don't agree with the other point of view, it'll provide more insight into why your parent did what he or she did. "Fully understanding their story and where they came from" can help you both reach a resolution faster, says certified integrative nutrition health coach Cova Najera, over email correspondence with Bustle. Ask questions, and try to see from your parent's perspective.
* Seek Another Adult's Advice
Often parents do not see our point of views or are resistant to taking responsibility, so it's sometimes better to avoid the hassle of an argument. "I like to have other 'parent figures' in my life," says artist and yoga instructor Tracee Badway, over an email interview with Bustle. "Rather than arguing with my flesh and blood I find someone with similar ideals I see as a 'parent' so everybody wins," Badway continues. Save the bigger things for your real parents, but bounce smaller things off of other people who are less sensitive to your words.
* Figure Out What You Want From The Conflict
As you are fighting, figure out what it is that you want from your parent and from the situation. Is it an apology? Is it a resolution? Is it to prove you were right? Is it to just end the conflict and be forgiven? Whatever it is, "set realistic rules and goals for yourself," advises Badway. You can't always get the perfect apology, so be realistic in your desires and take what you can get. Think of long-term goals (keeping a relationship strong and reducing tension in the future) rather than short-term (getting the perfect apology and acknowledgement).
* Avoid Yelling
Experts show that yelling can make an argument worse by inducing fear and helplessness in the other person. When speaking to someone and discussing a conflict, be sure to keep your voice calm and leveled, as this will allow for greater communication and transmission of messages. Yelling will only cause your parent to shut down and take defense, refusing to see your side.
* Pick The Right Time
Picking the right time to discuss an issue is key towards finding resolution quicker and easier. If you or your parent is dealing with a deadline at work, hadn't slept well the night before, or just got in another fight with someone else, you're more likely to cause added stress that will be seen as an attack upon a day of attacks. Ask for your parent if now is a good time to talk, as you have something that has been upsetting you that you would like to get off your chest. If he or she says no, make plans for an alternative time.