5 Ways To Deal With Aggressive Partner
By: Pinki Thu, 21 May 2020 10:09 AM
Do not return anger with anger; instead, control your emotions. That is what is meant by diligence. As you may have painfully discovered, anger can be detrimental to relationships. An angry partner’s negative attitude and behaviors can drain your energy, leave you feeling frustrated and unheard, and undermine not only your well-being but the health of the partnership. However, if you are able to deal skillfully with an angry partner, your relationship may transform dramatically. Here are some effective strategies for dealing with an angry partner.
* De-escalate and Neutralize Emotionality
When you try to control an angry partner, they may become defensive and more uncooperative. It is unwise to get angry in response to a partner’s anger; better to let the other person be angry and recognize they will eventually calm down. The calmer you remain, the quicker their anger may subside.
In this way, you de-escalate the situation. The ultimate goal of de-escalation is to lessen emotional intensity and redirect animosity toward increased cooperation.
* Be Assertive and Respectful
Acting assertively is the process of taking a position in which you are able to express your wants directly and respectfully while considering your partner’s feelings and wants as well. When you act and speak in an assertively respectful manner, you are confident, honest, and open. At the same time, by being assertive, you empower your partner to take their share of responsibility.
* Communicate Constructively, Understand, and Validate
People often act in an angry way because they think they are not being heard, not being taken seriously, or not being appreciated. They may feel disappointed and ignored. To avoid inflaming your partner’s anger, it is wise to actively listen to them until you are sure they feel heard and understood. Go beneath the surface and try to understand their deepest needs, and validate their feelings and experiences. Validation is one way we communicate acceptance of ourselves and others. It doesn’t mean agreeing with everything. Rather, it is recognizing and considering your partner’s perspective. The key to validation is being present and genuinely attempting to understand. It is listening to your partner as well as to your internal experience, staying with it rather than pushing it away or avoiding it.
* Practice Patience and Compassion
Beneath anger typically lies deeper and more vulnerable emotions such as fear, sadness, or pain, which may be less accessible for your partner to address. For a short period, anger serves as a protective shield and makes your partner feel powerful and in control. Yet, in the long run, it hurts them from within. This is why it is important to have compassion toward your partner and move away from blame and accusation.
Patience can serves as the antidote to anger within yourself as well as your partner. It entails being wise at the moment anger arises. It is about waiting not speaking or doing anything that may be automatic or reactive. Patience and compassion are the foundations of positive energy and cooperation among people.
* Pick Your Battles and Think Long-Term
The phrase “pick your battles” doesn’t apply only to military combat; it is also relevant to relationships with angry partners. Military leaders may be willing to lose some fights so they can “win the war.” They generally don’t waste resources and energy on the ones they can’t win. In the same manner, because individuals have different beliefs, opinions, preferences, and expectations, relationships can be a battlefield of sorts where exercising restraint is at times a wise strategy.