7 Tips To Have Healthy Relations With Your In-Laws

When you fall in love or decide to get married to someone, do you ever think that youwill have to also fall in love with their family? Beginning a relationship can seem so blissful. Then you come to realize that this is the person you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with. In the moment of happiness, you do not realize that there is way more to think about, like the extended family and the people who will become your in-laws.

Is there a need to learn ‘how to maintain a good relationship with your in-laws?’Can in-laws become an issue in the relationship/marriage? Or are there ways to have an easier relationship with your in-laws? More often than not, couples prefer staying away from their in-laws because getting along with the in-laws can require a lot of work. However, there are marriages that can have a great time with their extended families and do it very often.

While in most cases, the tiff tends to be with the mother-in-law, however, the turmoil can be caused by father-in-law, sister or brother-in-laws as well. Whatever and with whomever, the issue may be, can cause a drift and a problem in a marriage/relationship.

Here are a couple of tips which can help you maintain a healthy
relationship with your in-laws:

* Avoid negative talk

Often our relationships with in-laws are affected by the opinions of other family members. In some families, complaining about mothers or fathers-in-law is a blood sport. Try showing respect for the in-laws, even when they are not present, by avoiding the temptation to join in the negative conversations. Focusing on the positive instead of the negative will help the quality of the relationship.

* Show gratitude

When your in-laws do something nice for you, your wife or your children, let them know that you appreciate it. A quick phone call, note or email to say thanks will go a long way to helping them see you in a positive light. Even a great dinner or nice evening together is worthy of a thank you.

* Maintain civility

Some in-laws can be really difficult. It is important to understand the obsessions of your in-laws and to take the high road. Do not take the irritating behaviours of your in-laws personally. Just smile and try to accommodate them. Throwing a fit about their behaviour or calling them on their insensitivity would do nothing to improve the situation.

* Don’t feel obligated to strain your home relationships to accommodate your in-laws

You can set appropriate boundaries that work for your family and its needs and then work within those boundaries to maintain a good relationship. You should figure out ways to be able to accommodate both your family relations as well as to fulfil your obligations towards your in-laws like family gatherings or weekend visits to your in-laws.

* Deal with advise, but don’t tolerate intrusions

Parents-in-law often offer advice about marriage, parenting, careers, and even decorating and landscaping. Usually, the advice is well-intentioned and even appreciated. But sometimes, it can offend younger parents and create friction. If you feel comfortable with their advice, you can even ask them what they think or how they would handle a given situation. No matter what, don't let them divide you from your partner or become an obstacle in your relationship. Your family has to come first, but try to be civil and respectful when you need them to back off.

* Focus on yourself

You have no control over your mother-in-law or father-in-law, but only over your own attitudes and behaviour. Think about what you could do differently that might make a positive difference in the relationship rather than wishing that "he or she" would get the message.When there are little habits or things that they say that irritate you or create times when you might want to roll your eyes, try to let them go for your own peace of mind.

* Do not tolerate abuse

If a father-in-law or mother-in-law engages in physical or emotional abuse, recognize that you have the right to protect yourself, your partner and your children. If the problem is serious, you need to be prepared to sever relationships in the name of personal and family protection. It is important to talk to the abuser and give them an opportunity to change the behaviour early on, but know that you might have to be prepared to step in if needed and make a final decision.