5 Tips To Maintain Romance After A Child
By: Shweta Fri, 22 May 2020 5:35 PM
Taking a leap from coupledom to parenthood is exciting. However, while all the people tell you how wonderful life is going to be once you welcome a child into your lives, nothing readies you enough for the exhaustion, exasperation and worries that come with it. You’re always too busy or too tired and amidst all the baby fussing, romance takes the back seat.
Maintaining a marriage post-baby takes a lot of time and energy, unfortunately, these are exactly the things you don’t have. However, the good news is, that with lesser time wasted on trivial fights and resentment, working on your relationship can really give you more time enjoy each other’s company.
Here are a couple of issues which you an experience post the arrival of a baby and the ways in which you can work things through:
* Your domestic duties double. The bickering and complaining doubles with that too
Of course, before there was a baby, there was still laundry. And dishes, and other loathsome household tasks. But there were never so many things that had to be done so quickly. You can't procrastinate about chores once you have an infant. And now you and your spouse both feel like the other's not pulling his or her share of the mother lode.As long as things are getting done, this tit-for-tat system may not be so bad, but the constant background buzz of nagging can cause resentment to build up over time. Remember to be patient and to be thankful for each other. More importantly, be open to asking for what you need to be done instead of expecting your partner to miraculously know-it-all.
* Your parenting style can conflict your partner’s style of bringing up children
It's nice to think you'd share child-rearing philosophies, but it's often hard to predict how you'll feel about sleep, food, and discipline until you're smack in the middle of your fourth night up with baby. Having a discussion for a consensus on the sleep discipline of your child when the baby has arrived already might not really be an ideal thing to do. To avoid the risk you your parenting philosophies and styles cancelling out each other, you can either let your partner try their way out and face the consequences or work out a unanimous plan. However, do embrace the fact that the unanimous style might not always be effective, you also need to be open to trying out your individual styles depending on the situation.
* There is lesser time for sex and it is twice the hassle
Even if you like sex very much, too much to keep your hands off each other, parenthood can really affect your sex life. Of course you're still very much in love, getting naked under the covers just becomes too much work. To sort this out, you can start by ensuring that the bedroom is baby-free at bedtime. And the best thing to do is to plan a time for sex. It shouldn’t really be that awkward to plan about when you want to do it since people generally do that even before the baby comes into the picture.
* All the family time overshadows quality couple time
You're always together, but no longer alone. This is a common-thing that all couples experience. You spend more time glued to each other, thanks to the baby, and find little or no time for a romantic escapade as a couple or to do your thing as individuals. There are two parts to the solution here. You can, firstly, chalk out a schedule for time together. We are not talking about just dates though; you can plan brief "meetings," apart from dates where you can bring up household and baby-care issues such as an upcoming doctor's appointment or which stroller to buy.Secondly, chalk out solo time for each of you. Time away from your family need not necessarily be a bad thing if it returns you refreshed and happy into your family time.
* Finances dwindle
Parenting can be an expensive affair. You need to consider the real facts of your finances and you may have to make some choices. It’s highly unlikely you're going to feel totally financially secure when you've just had a baby. You will need to discuss the details of your finances and the changes that your spending patterns will need to undergo for accommodating the expenses of raising a child. Coming up with a plan together to live on a budget while still making room for setting aside an expenditure for some quality time together can help you ease into a family package of your finances.
* You have lesser time, for yourself and to balance being a parent and an individual
People become parents when they have children; they don't become different people. This, of course, is both a point of contention and a source of solace. However, parenthood can really engage you for the most part of the day leaving little time for you as an individual. Doing something purely for yourself can feel like an outrageous indulgence. But when you deny yourself or your partner time to relax and refresh, you're likely to start resenting each other. It can really help if you work together on setting realistic expectation for your ‘me-time’ while discussing parenthood. It is best if you have a plan to reclaim your life as your child grows so that you are able to embrace parenthood wholeheartedly and not sacrifice your individual self in the process.