The pressure's on for couples as February 14 looms on the calendar. Understandably, newly formed couples want to impress, so their nervousness about this special celebration of love makes sense. But for couples that have been together a long time, like myself, it's silly to fret. Valentine's Day feelings should happen all the time, not just one day out of the year.
Nonetheless, if you let the day go by without notice, you are likely to end up in the dog house ("Bad spouse! No treats!") So let a love therapist (hey, you didn't think it was all about sex, did you?) help you out with some ideas for a fun Valentine's Day.
* Ideally, you have been paying attention to what your partner enjoys. Although no one can read anyone's mind, if you are a good listener then you already have some ideas. If not, time to sit yourself down and think about conversations you've had. Has your partner mentioned wanting to hear more live music? To take more walks? To have breakfast in bed? Is there something you've done in the past that was a hit and that you can repeat, like a little gift in a famous blue bag? If you want to have hot sex, you need to show that you listen! Yes, being heard is HOT!
* The same idea applies to sex in the bedroom. Have you noticed what turns your partner on? What makes them squirm or their toes curl? No? Well, you'd better start remembering! Think about past lovemaking sessions or comments your partner has made. Has your partner ever mentioned wanting oral sex? Kisses on the neck? A massage before intercourse? When you make mental notes about what excites your partner, you win points.
* Don't get grabby. Take your time to build up erotic tension and excitement. Sometimes people are either so worked up by the idea of sex, or so anxious about it, that they go much too quickly. That's okay if you and your partner are the same way, but if not, this can create problems. So slow down. Start with some hugs and kisses, handholding, or a soapy massage in the shower in the morning if you want to make love at night.
* Celebrate with a new sex toy, fresh undies, new or freshly laundered sheets, a plant for the bedroom, a framed picture of the two of you on a romantic day for the dresser top, or other object of significance (a picture of your dream home or vacation that you are working on purchasing) to symbolize refreshing your love for each other. Take some time to talk about how you want to renew or refresh your sexual relationship over the coming year, for example, changing the time of your trysts from morning to afternoon or occasionally spending the night at a luxe hotel where you can make love all night long. Complete your talk with a long, sensual hug that can lead into something more erotic.
* Consider including some tantric activities in your Valentine's Day. So many people split off their emotions from sexual experiences, which is one of the reasons that sex sometimes grows stale. An example of a tantric activity is to sit facing one another. Each partner puts their hand on their partner's heart, in the middle of the chest. You then put your other hand on top of your partner's. Softly gaze into one another's eyes and breathe slowly. You can do this activity in the nude as a prelude to making love; get physically closer with one partner sitting in the other's lap. Sometimes it isn't a physical technique, but an emotional connection that creates the most intense sexual experiences.