15 Lessons I Have Learned In One Year Of My Marriage
By: Pinki Sat, 27 June 2020 10:39 AM
I got married when i was 27. We were fresh out of college and if I’m being completely honest, we were totally unprepared for life. In our first year of marriage, we learned 20 unique and practical marital lessons that we want to share with you, so you can strengthen your marriage.
You will become knowledgeable about the changes you as a person, and you as a married individual will be going through. Needless to say, the lessons are not just for couples in their first year of marriage.
* We all communicate differently
We speak different languages. I know we hear it all the time, but actually experiencing it is something else! For those first few months, I can remember not having my husband understand me and getting so frustrated. We both learned we communicated vastly differently. So take the time to think of another way to explain something to your spouse. Try to look through their eyes and listen through their ears.
* Trust God
Oh my, this marriage lesson has been very important for our whole marriage so far!We had a lot of things happen in the first year of our marriage, not knowing how we were going to pay the next bill or rent for the month.All we had left was to trust in our Higher Power and each other.
* Agree on finances and budget monthly
By agreeing on our finances, and budgeting every month together (we each get a say on how to spend our money), it has opened up lines of communication that we never thought possible.It also helped us to be on the same page, working together towards the same goals.
* Seek help and guidance when you need it
There were a few times when we needed help. We learned to not be prideful and asked when necessary.Seek someone who is matured and wise, not someone who will turn it into a gossip column.
* Be patient and calm, you will have disagreements
This was another of the BIG marriage lessons for us, and we are certain that being patient is very important in any marriage.Remember the golden rule: treat your spouse how you would like to be treated.Learn how to disagree respectfully; you are both different people with different personalities.
* Communicate and discuss everything. Don’t just assume, ask
This marriage lesson helps lay the foundation for your marriage. It enables you to really get to know your spouse.We are always changing, there is always something new to learn.
* Be yourself, otherwise, it’s an act
You always hear how people change after the “I Do.”We think it’s because they weren’t totally “real” to begin with.
* Communicate your needs
If I needed my husband to be more romantic, I had to tell him, and I had to show him how.He can’t read my mind.If he needed me to straighten my shoes in the entryway he had to tell me…and remind me a few times.
* Discuss unvoiced marriage expectations
We did not even know we had marriage expectations. We were both raised in different families with different “normals.”All you have to do is talk about each other’s marriage expectations, discuss, and learn how to compromise with your spouse.
* Don’t expect your spouse to know what is in your head or read your mind
We know this lesson was mentioned above but it’s so important it deserves its own number. So, learn how to communicate with your spouse.
* Don’t have kids if you don't want them
I am almost tired of writing about this, but I’ve received so many emails and messages from women who don’t want kids but feel they must have them because they’re married. We also feared regretting this decision. Your marriage, your choice.
* Traveling together helps you bond
Traveling is one of our favorite hobbies, and our marriage is better for it. We’ve spent a lot of time visiting places where we don’t speak the language, trying unique food, and driving a car on the opposite side while navigating a foreign country (me). Traveling has taught us to trust each other and rely on each other’s strengths. Plus, when there’s no one else to talk with in a foreign city, it’s easier if you like your spouse’s company.
* Figuring out how to fight is key
I was a terrible fighter in the beginning of our marriage. I was a yeller and a door-slammer, and Nate was calm and communicative. Over the year, I’ve learned to be a fair fighter, which often happens over email my argument platform of choice. It’s here that we can easily air our grievances with well thought out intentions. By the time we’re home from work, it’s been settled no door slamming necessary.
* Having your own hobbies is much needed
Him and I spend a great deal of time together mostly because we really enjoy each other’s company and hate being apart for long. But after this many years of marriage, we’ve learned that it’s perfectly okay for me to skip a snoozy baseball game or if my husband has zero interest in a yoga retreat.
* Being each other's cheerleader is essential
I went through an unfortunate stage where I decided to start a boozy jam-making business. He had a short-lived passion with beer making. Even when our apartment wasn’t filled with bad beer and jam splatters, we’ve supported each other’s passions. More realistic aspirations like major career changes, advancing our education, and moving across the country would have never worked if we weren’t each other’s biggest cheerleader.