6 Signs You Have A Low Self Esteem In A Relationship

What behaviors are associated with low self-esteem? How do I recognize or deal with low self-esteem in a relationship? These questions may crop up if you can relate to behavior patterns stemming from low self-esteem. There are several signs to help you understand whether you’re engaging in low self-esteem behaviors. These usually stem from traumatic or abusive childhood experiences.

Low self-esteem behaviors don’t just suddenly crop up in a relationship. The pattern existed before the person got into a relationship – during school or college, at your first job. People who think that they aren’t good enough didn’t start believing it overnight. This mindset has cascaded and compounded over a long period. Their past may reveal why they feel like they’re not measuring up and need to be reprimanded.

# Lack of healthy boundaries

One of the major signs and reasons why low self-esteem sabotages relationships is the lack of boundaries between partners. Boundaries are often established during childhood. Children who develop a secure attachment style with their caregivers can create healthy boundaries in their relationships as an adult because they are content, confident people who see themselves in a positive light.

But people who deal with low self-esteem in a relationship have difficulty establishing boundaries with their partners because they fear criticism and abandonment from their beloved. They are afraid that their partner will stop loving them or, worse, leave them if they try to set boundaries in the relationship. This fear makes them accept their partner’s unhealthy or toxic ways of treatment.

# Signs of low self-esteem behaviors – People-pleasing

People-pleasing is one of the answers to what behaviors are associated with low self-esteem. People suffering from low self-esteem have this extreme urge to please their partner and those close to them. They need to make sure that everyone is happy even if it means neglecting their own needs and feelings. This happens because they seek validation from their partner. They don’t feel like they are good enough or capable or worthy of love, which is why they need their partner to prove their worth, validate their efforts and make them feel good about themselves.

# You find it difficult to accept praise or positive feedback

Another sign of low self-esteem behaviors is difficulty in accepting praise, compliments, appreciation, or any kind of positive feedback from their partner or others. This could again stem from their childhood where they were never appreciated for their efforts or achievements. They were probably made the butt of jokes or grew up feeling incapable or good-for-nothing, which is why being appreciated or lauded feels alien to them.

People with low self-esteem don’t know how to take a compliment. Appreciation or positive feedback is met with suspicion. Such people don’t think highly of themselves, which is why receiving praise does not align with their opinion about themselves. They reject compliments or any kind of flattery because they just don’t believe in them. They feel the person is heaping praise out of pity or to mock them.

# You talk negatively about yourself

This is one of the most prominent ways how low self-esteem affects relationships. Those who exhibit low self-esteem behaviors tend to talk negatively about themselves. They show themselves in a cynical and dismissive light because they focus on their flaws and imperfections instead of their strengths. They blame themselves for everything that goes wrong. They tend to find faults in themselves (appearance, abilities, habits, or personality) instead of indulging in positive self-talk.

# You’re always doubting and second-guessing yourself

One of the most common low self-esteem behaviors is indecisiveness because you’re always doubting yourself and worrying whether it’s the right call to make. You are scared of failure and making the right choices, which is why you often ask others what they think about your decisions instead of sticking to your instincts. You constantly worry about what your partner will think about your choices.

If you deal with low self-esteem in a relationship, you tend to second-guess yourself a lot, making it harder for you to make major decisions about your life because you let fear drive that process.

# You feel unworthy or tend to cling to your partner

Another common sign of low self-esteem and intimacy issues in a relationship is that you feel unworthy and undeserving of the love and affection your partner gives you. You worry that you’re not good enough for your partner and that they’re with you only out of sympathy or just pure luck. This happens because you don’t value yourself enough and seek external things (relationships, career, etc.) to make you feel worthy and special.

There’s another side to this as well. One of the ways low self-esteem sabotages relationships is that the partner battling it tends to become needy and clingy because they’re scared to lose their love. They let themselves be defined by their relationship and constantly seek attention. They are willing to go to any extent for it – lying and creating drama for sympathy, pretending to feel hurt, demanding to be given priority over their partner’s friends and family all the time, or making them feel bad about not spending all their time with you.