6 Tips You Can Try To Survive Gray Divorce

Even if you’ve weighed all the pros and cons, hired a family law attorney, moved out, and set the process of divorce in motion, coming to terms with such a huge change isn’t easy. Unraveling a marriage and a shared life of so many years is always painful and messy. Add to this the fact that you’re older and probably don’t want to deal with all the paperwork, and you could likely use a little help navigating your divorce. Here are some tips to get you through without losing your mind and make sure you don’t end up with gray divorce regrets:

# Have your legalities in place

You might not need to fight for solo or joint custody of the kids any longer, but be aware of your legal rights such as spousal support, alimony, shared social security benefits, etc, get yourself a lawyer who’s in your corner and don’t let your grief blind you to everything else.

# Sort out your finances

Make a list of assets and investments, and see what’s shared and what’s solely yours. It might also be a good idea to consult a certified divorce financial analyst to assess how best you can overcome the financial challenges if any. Ensure your health insurance, the kids’ college fund, etc are in place and that you have enough for a place of your own in case you’re not getting the house.

# Find your community

A strong, loving support system is important to stay sane during a divorce. You’re undergoing enormous life changes and you’ll need people around you. Hopefully, you’ve built up a wonderful network of people who know you and will always have your back. Reach out to them and let them be there for you. Surviving a divorce, at any age, isn’t easy. You need friends, so don’t shut people out.

# Be honest with the kids

Follow the rule of never bad-mouthing your partner to your kids but be honest with them. Tell them things aren’t working out, and that you need to find a different path for yourselves. Have the conversation together with your partner if possible. With grown-up kids, it’s also a little easier to explain that one or both of you will find a new partner at some point.

# After a gray divorce, go back to work

It could be for financial reasons, to get into a routine, or just to keep you busy. If you’ve retired or been out of the workforce a long time, dipping your toes back in could be a big help and could help mitigate any gray divorce regrets. Even if your social security and retirement benefits are enough for you to get by, having a job can give your newfound life some structure and purpose.

# Learn to be alone

You’ve been a spouse and a parent for so many years, and now, it’s just you. Your friends and support system are there, but it is important that you learn to be on your own as well. You probably haven’t spent time with yourself in a while and it will get scary and lonely at times.