These Are The Healthiest Ways To Fight With Your Parents

When it comes to relationships, conflict is inevitable. But it doesn’t have to be emotionally distressing or callous. Couples can disagree and, yes, even fight while still showing compassion and respect for each other, according to psychologists.

In fact, married couples who don’t have any conflict are often the ones who end in divorce. Relationships that can’t be saved are relationships where the flame has completely gone out, or it wasn’t there in the first place.

* Schedule a time for conflict

Despite having even the most open lines of communication, conflicts are still bound to happen. And when they do, it’s helpful to choose a time to talk through problems. If you start to have a fight, say, Let’s pick it up this evening, or another time when there’s time to discuss things. Setting aside time to work out disagreements allows both partners the space to regroup and prepare. They can think about the best way to communicate their feelings in a calmer, more rational way, so as to avoid the instinct of being defensive or accusatory. Most of the time, things are said on impulse in the heat of anger.

* Call a timeout if you or your partner needs one

During an argument, it’s common for one or both partners to enter “fight, flight or freeze” mode. Humans enter one of these modes when they think they may be in danger, he says. “Fight or flight” refers to when stress hormones activate to give people more energy to either fight the stressor or run from the situation. And “freeze” mode occurs when a person simply does not react at all, in hopes that the stressor loses interest in the fight.

* Make requests instead of complaints

Fights often start with the same two words: “You always.” Rather than asking their partner to do something they’d like them to do, like cleaning up around the house, people jump to make accusations.

You’re not getting what you want, because of how you’re asking for it,” he says. It’s easier for people to ask their partner why they never do something than it is to simply request that they do it.

* Listen, and ask your partner for clarification

When the time comes to sit down and talk about solving conflicts, the most important thing couples can do is to listen without interrupting. This can be more challenging than it seems. If your loved one says he or she doesn’t feel heard, for example, you should listen until your partner is finished speaking. Then, ask for clarification if there is something you don’t quite understand.

* Learn the right way to apologize to your partner

Just as people have different love languages, we have different apology languages, too. It’s not enough to recognize that you’ve hurt your loved one and you owe them an apology: You have to know them enough to tailor your apology to their needs.