10 Stages Of A Breakup And How You Can Get Through Them

No matter where you are in the aftermath of a breakup, one thing is certain — they hurt. Especially when you’ve been with someone for so long that they’ve become part of your everyday life.

You spend countless hours with them, imagining a future together, believing they might be “the one.” And then suddenly, they’re gone. Overnight, your world shifts, and you’re left trying to rebuild around the empty space they’ve left behind. It can feel like you’ve lost control of everything.

Loneliness often hits the hardest. No number of funny videos or tubs of ice cream can truly fill that void. When you step back and think about it, it almost seems unbelievable that finding your soulmate can involve this much pain.

In those moments, it may feel like you won’t survive it. But you will. The only way forward is through — by allowing yourself to move through the different stages of a breakup.

Breakups unfold in stages. None of them are easy, but each one plays a role in healing. When you understand what you’re experiencing, it becomes easier to navigate the pain and eventually come out stronger and happier.

These stages closely resemble the grieving process we experience after losing someone. Psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross introduced five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Her expanded model includes seven stages: shock, denial, guilt, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Similarly, breakups can involve multiple emotional phases. Keep in mind that these stages aren’t linear. You may move back and forth between them, skip some, or experience certain ones more intensely than others. Healing isn’t a straight line — and that’s okay.

Here’s a look at the 10 common stages of a breakup:

# Shock

Shock is often the first response. Even if the breakup was mutual or you saw it coming, the finality of it can feel surreal. One day you’re planning a future together; the next, they’re part of your past.

If the emotions feel overwhelming, don’t isolate yourself. Reach out to a trusted friend. Their presence may not erase the pain, but it can soften the impact and remind you that you’re not alone.

# Denial

During denial, you struggle to accept that it’s truly over. It can feel like a bad dream you’ll eventually wake up from. You may hold onto hope that you’ll reconcile, even when deep down you know it’s unlikely.

This stage can make you want to text or call them. Try not to navigate this phase alone. Lean on friends who can gently remind you why the relationship ended and help you avoid decisions you might regret.

# Anger

Anger can feel intense — toward your ex, yourself, or even the situation. You might replay arguments, write messages you never send, or blame yourself for everything that went wrong.

Although uncomfortable, anger is a natural part of healing. It can help you reclaim your sense of self-worth. The key is to channel it in healthy ways — exercise, journaling, creative outlets, or spending time with supportive people can help release the buildup without causing harm.

# Distraction

This stage can be confusing. You might try to distract yourself through impulsive decisions, rebounds, or overcommitting socially.

Instead of making choices you may regret, pour your energy into productive outlets — work, fitness, hobbies, learning something new, or planning trips with friends. Keeping your mind engaged in positive activities can help stabilize your emotions.

# Bargaining

Here, you start questioning everything. “What if I had tried harder?” “What if I changed?” You may consider reaching out, offering friendship, or reshaping yourself to win them back.

It’s natural to revisit the “what-ifs,” but remember: the relationship ended for a reason. Even if you reunited, things wouldn’t return to how they were. Use this stage as a moment for reflection and growth rather than self-blame.

# Sadness

This is often the heaviest phase. You may cry frequently, feel drained, and struggle with daily tasks. Memories resurface, and nostalgia can hit unexpectedly.

Allow yourself to feel the sadness — it’s part of the healing process. But if it becomes overwhelming or persistent, consider seeking professional support. Therapy can provide tools to process deeper wounds and help you rebuild with clarity and strength.

# Independence

Gradually, you begin focusing on yourself. You rediscover your interests, routines, and sense of identity outside the relationship.

While this stage is empowering, make sure it’s genuine. True independence means being comfortable alone — not pretending to be fine while still suppressing pain. Honest conversations and self-reflection can help solidify this growth.

# Revenge

You may feel tempted to prove how “over it” you are — posting on social media, showcasing your new life, or subtly trying to make your ex jealous.

This stage is often more about ego than healing. Instead of performing happiness, invest in it authentically. Step away from social media if needed and focus on real-world experiences that genuinely bring you joy.

# Relapse

Sometimes, progress isn’t permanent. A late-night message, a memory, or seeing their photo can send you spiraling back into earlier emotions.

Relapses are normal. They don’t mean you’ve failed — they’re just reminders that healing takes time. Setting boundaries, such as deleting their number or muting them online, can help you protect your peace during vulnerable moments.

# Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t arrive suddenly. It seeps in quietly. One day, you notice you haven’t thought about them in hours. Later, you go out with friends and feel genuinely present. Eventually, you might see their name pop up somewhere — and feel nothing.

That indifference signals true closure.

With time, you’ll realize the breakup happened for a reason. You’ll open yourself up to new connections and experiences. And one day, you may wake up next to someone who feels even more aligned with who you’ve become — grateful that the past relationship didn’t work out.