5 Ways How Mother In Law Ruin Marriages
By: Kratika Tue, 24 Jan 2023 3:59:59
Family dynamics can massively impact our physical and emotional well-being. A relationship is based on mutual love and respect. The lack of it can cause a lot of stress and frustration. If you’re part of a complicated family dynamic or share a rocky relationship with your in-laws, it is bound to take a toll on your marriage at some point.
Complex family relationships can tear apart the strongest of marriages. Another study by law firm Slater and Gordon blamed the in-laws for divorce or tension between partners. Around 28% of the 2,000 people who took part in the study claimed that the relationship got so bad that they considered divorcing their partners. In fact, one in 10 couples took the step. Problems with the in-laws are often cited as the main reason for couples going down the divorce route.
# They are jealous of you and intentionally try to hurt you
Why do mothers-in-law interfere? A lot of times, it is difficult for a mother to accept the fact that there’s another woman in her son’s life, who is equally important to him, if not more. She feels threatened by her daughter-in-law and the fact that her inclusion into the family will change the mother-son relationship for the worse. The thought of it makes her jealous and she intentionally tries to hurt your feelings.
She may turn hostile toward you, say or do things to hurt you, exclude you from family events or conversations, not attach importance to your opinions or make you feel like you’re not good enough for her child. She’ll want her son/daughter to spend time with her and might even force them to cancel plans with you for the same. She probably fears being replaced by you, which is why she turns into this toxic and overbearing mother-in-law who finds faults in everything you do.
How to deal: Don’t worry. It is possible to deal with such disrespectful behavior. One way is to give her love and attention and make her feel important and special. Try to understand where the insecurity is coming from so that you can figure out how to reverse it. Communication is key to resolving conflict in a relationship. Talk to her about her behavior. You could also ask your husband to talk to her. If nothing works, consider ignoring her or shifting houses.
# They force partners to choose sides
Wondering how mothers-in-law ruin marriages? They force their children to take sides. They want their children to choose them over their partners. If your partner takes her side instead of defending you, it’s a win for her because she knows it’ll create a rift between the both of you. If partners fail to defend each other against their parents, it is bound to cause a lack of respect in the relationship. In several cases, it leads to divorce.
How to deal: If you’re stuck in a similar situation and resent your husband because of his family, we suggest talking to him about it. Communicate your feelings to your spouse. Tell them you feel hurt by their actions. Figure out a way to deal with the mother-in-law together as a united front. Set boundaries on what is acceptable and what is not. If it’s a mother-son issue, it is advisable to stay out of the matter.
# They overstep boundaries and invade privacy
Another way mothers-in-law ruin marriages is by overstepping boundaries. They invade your private space and find faults with the way you manage your house, how you raise your kids or don’t take care of their ‘child’. They have no respect for your personal space, thoughts or opinions. They’ll turn up at your doorstep at odd hours or uninvited and expect you to entertain them and be grateful for their visit.
A toxic mother-in-law will criticize your children, complain about how dirty and unorganized your house is, and may even go to the extent of gathering negative information about you so she can break your marriage and drive you out of her son’s life. She could also resort to checking personal emails or messages, eavesdropping or tapping phone calls and badmouthing you in front of friends and family. If she’s constantly encouraging her child to talk to her about their marriage problems saying that she could offer advice to better the situation, it’s a sign of toxic behavior.
How to deal: One way to deal with interfering mothers-in-law this is to talk to your spouse and establish and enforce strict boundaries. Don’t want them to turn up unannounced? Tell them you’d like to be informed about their visit beforehand. If she’s meddling too much into your family or parenting style, let her know you appreciate the concern but you would like to do it your way.
# How mothers-in-law ruin marriages? She tries to control everything
Her urge to control your life and family may be one of the reasons you are plagued with the “my mother-in-law is destroying my marriage” feeling. If she interferes in your decisions as a couple or wants you to do everything the way she likes it, know that it’s her way of creating a rift between you and your spouse. It’s a clear sign of a narcissistic mother-in-law.
She’ll expect you to please her and respect her authority. If you refuse to do so, she’ll complain about you to whoever is willing to listen, complicate things for you and exercise control over other members of the family, including your spouse, just to prove her dominance. She’ll want you to adopt her ways – whether it’s running the house, taking care of her child, parenting style, religion, opinions or cooking meals – because she thinks she knows best.
How to deal: Worry not. There are ways to deal with manipulative, scheming mothers-in-law. Set clear boundaries and politely communicate to her that you would like to do things differently. Maintain a healthy distance from her – shift houses, if needed. It’s best not to get your spouse involved even if your mother-in-law is hell-bent on doing so. Both of you are mature enough to sort issues out yourselves.
# She bad mouths you to your spouse
If you can’t help but feel “my narcissistic mother-in-law destroyed my marriage”, this may be all too familiar for you. Badmouthing you to your spouse is one of the most common tactics an overbearing mother-in-law uses to ruin marriages. She will constantly try to turn her child against their spouse to get them to always side with her. She’ll find reasons to blame you and show your spouse how disturbed she is by your actions.
How to deal: To deal with such a situation, it is imperative that you keep communication channels with your spouse open. Don’t make it sound like you’re complaining but let them know you’re having a hard time dealing with their mother. Your partner and you have to stay united to deal with this. If your mother-in-law tries to say anything negative against you to your partner, they should defend you and ask their mother to not indulge in such behavior.