6 Tips To Get Over Trust Issues In A Relationship

They say that trust takes a while to build and a second to break. That’s a pretty solid assessment. If you’ve given your all to a partner in the past and they’ve betrayed you, it’s normal to struggle with trusting a new partner. It doesn’t matter whether it was a month ago or five years ago, the hurt is still real. However, if you allow past upset to enter into new relationships, you run the risk of ruining it before it begins. Learn how to get over trust issues and start building a new future.

Now nobody will ever be able to tell you that learning to trust is easy. If you’ve been burned in the past, it’s going to be in the back of your mind for a long time afterwards. Will it ever go away? Maybe, maybe not. However, learning to deal with your trust issues means that they no longer affect your actions, emotions, or thoughts in the same way. You’re effectively freeing yourself to move on and try again with someone new – with fresh slate.

# Identify what the issue is

What exactly is the issue causing you to doubt your partner and your relationship? Once you know that piece of information, how does that issue make you act? Do you constantly question your partner and ask where they’re going? Or, do you become clingy?

If you were cheated on in a past relationship, how does that make you act around and treat your partner now? Whatever the issue is, do some soul searching and really pinpoint it down.

# Acknowledge that it is in the past

If your trust issues stem from something that has happened to you in a past relationship or perhaps even your childhood, acknowledge that it is in the past. Your past doesn’t have to affect your current situation or your future. The only thing you can do is allow it to affect you in the here and now. When you look at it that way, you see that it’s a choice.

If you struggled with abandonment in the past, know that your current partner isn’t going to repeat that behavior. Perhaps you were cheated on in the past; know that your current partner isn’t going to find someone else and cheat on you. Don’t tar people with the same brush, let them prove themselves to you.

# Set yourself boundaries

There may be things which trigger your trust issues. Understand what those triggers are and set yourself boundaries to follow. Don’t try and push unnecessary boundaries onto your partner, e.g. making them check in with you several times during a night out, just for reassurance. Instead, focus on you. Create positive habits and strong boundaries to help you push past the issues that are causing you such distress.

# Talk to your partner

Don’t be afraid to talk to your partner about anything that is worrying you. That doesn’t mean pointing the finger. Don’t go up to them and say “I don’t trust you” and then tell them that it’s because someone hurt you before. That’s not their fault. Instead, explain that you have trust issues because of a past experience. Tell them that you want to move past them and you want them to help you do that. Being open and honest will allow you to feel supported and it will strengthen the trust you have in your partner.

# Learn to control overthinking

Trust issues that stem from past problems or insecurity are all about fear. You’re worried about something happening and that is causing you to not trust your partner as much as you should. Fear isn’t real. The problem is, fear also makes us overthink.

When you notice that you’re starting to overthink, when your thoughts are racing and connecting together to create a huge story that’s never going to happen, stop yourself. Tell yourself that you’re overthinking. Firmly tell yourself that fear is causing you to do this, and that fear isn’t real. The more you do this, the easier it will become and the more you’ll believe it.

# Learn to reason with yourself

If you’ve followed these steps, and you’re still having a hard time getting over your trust issues, you really have some thinking to do. Is your partner trying hard enough to help you get over your insecurities? Or are you just not able to deal with your partner’s active social life even after they constantly reassure you? Or finally, are you in a relationship where you just can’t deal with the insecurities anymore?