8 Ways To Set Boundaries With Friends

Friendships can be one of the most enriching parts of life. Having someone to talk to, lean on, and share moments with is truly priceless—especially when you’ve mastered the art of setting healthy boundaries. But not every friendship leaves you feeling fulfilled.

Some friends can be overwhelming. Even if you share a long history and can’t imagine life without them, they might drain your energy. If they fail to respect your boundaries, you can end up feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. Over time, this can harm your well-being and chip away at your self-esteem.

If you suspect a friend is overstepping your boundaries or that the friendship brings you more stress than joy, it might be time to address it. Setting boundaries can feel daunting—whether the friend is new or someone you’ve known for years. How do you even bring it up without catching them off guard or hurting their feelings? Chances are, they might also have boundaries they’ve been hesitant to share. Avoiding the conversation only risks making things worse.

Here’s how to navigate it:

# Talk to your friend openly

They may not even realize their behavior bothers you. Simply sitting down and explaining how you feel can make a big difference. No one can read minds—how will they know you’re unhappy if you don’t say so?

# Express the value of your friendship

Difficult conversations can easily feel like personal attacks. To prevent misunderstandings, remind them how much they mean to you. You’re addressing the problem together—not turning on each other.

# Be clear and firm

Boundaries are personal, and yours may differ from theirs. Be specific and assertive when explaining them. Your friend should adapt to your boundaries—not the other way around.

# Stay open to compromise

While firmness is key, so is flexibility. Find middle ground that respects both your needs. For example, if they want to spend more time together than you can manage, perhaps agree to daily phone calls instead of daily visits.

# Use “I” statements

When expressing feelings, frame them from your perspective. Saying “I feel ignored” is less accusatory than “You make me feel ignored,” and is more likely to be met with understanding rather than defensiveness.

# Address issues early

Don’t let disrespectful or hurtful behavior slide for too long before speaking up. If you tolerated it before, they may assume it’s still okay. Addressing it promptly makes your boundaries clear.

# Suggest alternatives

If your boundaries require changes, offer other options. For instance, if you’ve decided to stop drinking, suggest meeting for coffee instead of at a bar. This shows you still value spending time together.

# Seek help if needed

If you struggle to set boundaries—perhaps due to people-pleasing tendencies, fear of conflict, or low self-esteem—consider speaking to a therapist. Understanding the root of the problem is a sign of strength, not weakness.