5 Tips For Men To Maintain A Balance Between Wife And Mother

How to balance between your wife and your mother? Why is it so difficult to manage parents and wife after marriage? Such questions must be running in your mind if you have both of them staying under the same roof. Earlier, when girls were married off young, they learned the values and traditions of the family they got married into, under the strict watch of difficult mothers-in-law.

But now, women are educated, have jobs, and bring their own set of values to their new home. Therefore, clashes between the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law are inevitable. If you are living in a joint family with your spouse and trying to navigate this conflict zone, here are some tips to handle fights between wife and mother.

# Understand it is very personal to both

“My mother and wife don’t get along” and “How do I solve problems between wife and mother” – if your mind is constantly plagued by such thoughts, allow us to help you. Your mother has nurtured you, whereas your wife has moved in to build a life with you. Both women are right from their individual perspectives.

Life changes after marriage. Priorities change. You have a wife now. You might want to side with her for everything, but understand this is a huge change for your mother as well. Your wife has moved into a completely new home where she doesn’t know anyone. Your mother is witnessing changes in her own home that she has built for decades. Both of them are running high on emotions.

# Pre-marriage planning

Your wife plans to move in with your family after she gets married to you. You know your wife and family might not get along. So, build a relationship with your spouse before marriage. Get to know your to-be bride and see how she gels with your family. Much before the big day, start involving your soon-to-be bride in matters of the household. Involve your mother in it too. It is important to let both women know that you love them.

Any insecurity your traditional mother might face is the thought of losing you to another woman and not holding that position of importance in your life. Thought this thought is irrational, as you are your own person and can certainly have more than one important person in your life, you do need to ease your mother into this arrangement. Let her know what she thinks is important for you. Let the women spend some time alone. Let them get acquainted with each other. Let them decide things on their own. If they can trust each other completely, your life will get a lot easier. You will be able to balance between your wife and mother.

# Settle cooking wars

The kitchen is a major war arena. And you are often asked who is more important in the kitchen, the mother or the wife? Many husbands find themselves choosing between their wife and mother when it comes to food. “Who is the better cook?” – this question is bound to come up at some point. Living in a conservative joint family often entails women spending a lot of time in the kitchen and them taking pride in their efficiency, cooking skills, and management. Your wife might even have a job and still cooks every other night for the family.

# Don’t encourage complaining

Your peace is important here. One is your mother. The other is your wife. If one complains, remember that it’s not your job to always fix everything. If your wife says, “You mother is always picking fights”, don’t say, “I will talk to her”. Even if both are loved by you, they are adults. Encouraging one to complain about the other will make you lose your patience and peace of mind.

# Do not lash out at one in front of the other

“How do I manage my wife and parents?” and “My mother and wife don’t get along. What do I do?” – we’re sure such questions have crossed your mind at some point. Well, there are ways to manage parents and wife after marriage. If you Hulk out on one in front of the other, they will be incentivized to do the same too. When you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, you can’t get angry with one of them. What you say and how you say it will reflect on what they say and do when you are not around.