6 Expert Tips To Help You Compromise In A Marriage The Right Way

We’ve established that compromise in a marriage is important. Now, let’s take a closer look at certain steps to take instead of being quick to declare that marriage is not about compromise. Here are some tips on how to compromise in a marriage the right way:

# Be clear about your needs

One of the best examples of compromise in a relationship is to acknowledge and articulate your needs in a healthy and loving manner. Now, we all have our own needs in a marriage and often, we expect our partner to be a mind reader and know exactly how we’re feeling and what we need at any given point in time.

Remember, your partner is human, as are you, and thus cannot read your thoughts or your critical emotional needs in a relationship. Also, let’s not forget that as we grow and evolve as individuals, our needs and desires in terms of what we want and expect in a relationship and marriage, also change.

# Be respectful of each other’s boundaries

We love healthy relationship boundaries and love learning how to lay them down in a loving and respectful manner. When you’re trying to compromise in a marriage, boundaries play a major role in knowing each other and also knowing when to push and when to take a step back.

Don’t wait till the ink dries on your marriage certificate to have healthy and clear boundaries. At the beginning of a relationship, people often try to impress each other at the cost of their values and belief systems. Then, once they’re married or in a committed relationship, there’s a sudden shift and they start strongly holding on to what they believe in.

# Understand your spouse is a person in their own right

Yes, we know what all the movies say. Marriage means two become one. True soulmates match and understand each other perfectly, etc etc. But we’ve got news for you. No matter how much you love each other or how perfectly you’re matched, you’re still two separate, different people who came together, hopefully with realistic relationship expectations. You’re still bringing certain unique qualities to the marriage. And that needs to be respected and celebrated.

While we may love one another’s quirks and eccentricities at the beginning of a relationship, with marriage comes a tendency to want to change your spouse. Expectations change, and we suddenly want our spouse to fit into a more husband-ly or wifely role. At this stage, it’s always important to remember and respect each other’s individuality and accept one another as a unique person without trying to change them.

# Listen when your spouse talks, even when you don’t agree

My wife and I have a rule when we argue. We pretend it’s a timed debate and we give each other 3-5 minutes to lay out our side of the case. That way, both of us get to speak and each of us has to listen to the other. Also, this means, we actually have to be thoughtful and not just scream at each other, speaking of how he and his wife have evolved a functional system of compromise in their marriage that works even in some of their most unpleasant moments.

Compromise in marriage is so much about listening better in your relationship. There are always going to be disagreements, even in the healthiest of marriages, but if everyone’s fighting and screaming and no one’s listening, there’s no compromise and therefore, no resolution of the issues. Mind you, I like a good bout of fighting myself, but even I will concede that it’s exhausting when we’re both screaming but no one’s listening.

# Work out your non-negotiables

This is possibly my favorite relationship lesson of all time, mostly because it allows me to really dig deep and discover things that I consider absolutely sacred. My partner needs plenty of time in the great outdoors while I need lots of couch and TV/reading/podcast time. We love hanging out, but how we spend our downtime is a big part of us as individuals and as partners.

I could sulk when he goes off to camp (I hate camping); he could pout when I choose to stay home in my pajamas and watch the Twilight Saga for 10 hours. But this time is not negotiable because it decompresses us, makes us better, calmer people and partners. We’re not rejecting each other, we’re just taking time out for ourselves. And a little self-love goes a long way in cementing loving relationships with other people.

# Plan vacations fairly

This might sound oddly specific, but bear with me. In our hugely busy, overworked lives, days off and weeks where you both have time off are rare and thus must be cherished. Shared vacations are hugely important – you get couple time without the everyday distractions of household chores and other work. Maybe you even plan a little getaway for just the two of you, away from the kids.

But even then, there will be things that you want to do on holiday that your spouse may not. This is a situation ripe for marital conflict since the whole point of a holiday with them is to spend time together. My partner and I both love traveling, but I need my creature comforts, which is to say, I do not find outdoor showers romantic.