6 Things To Do If You Are Feeling Unappreciated In A Relationship

Being in a relationship where your efforts are not reciprocated can be very exhausting. A lot like pushing a boulder up a slope. The insecurities that your partner’s hot and cold behavior triggers can be devastating for your self-esteem. The situation can be confusing. It can leave you clueless about what to do.

Imagine you drove all the way to your partner’s office to surprise them on their birthday. But they don’t appreciate it, or worse, they blame you for embarrassing them in front of their colleagues. It is one thing if someone does not appreciate your efforts. But to accuse you of being clingy or nagging is downright mean.

# Look for appreciation through actions

Your feeling of being unappreciated in a relationship is based on the observation of your partner. If they don’t verbally appreciate you, then it can feel like they don’t care about you. This is a fair assumption, but given that you are in a relationship you should try delving deeper to see if that’s in fact the case.

Instead of just focusing on the things they say or don’t say, try observing their body language as well. Not everyone is comfortable with expressing their thoughts, this is especially true if you’re dating an introvert, which is why focus on their actions instead of words.

# Try to consider whether you play a role in feeling unappreciated

Sometimes your partner’s coldness can be a reaction to how your behavior makes them feel. We’re not saying that you’ve purposely done something wrong, but there’s a chance that your actions could have been hurtful. There is also the chance that they overthought the situation, which made them feel offended.

Either way, you must introspect and figure out whether you’ve done something that could have led to the negativity in your relationship. If you are feeling unappreciated by your girlfriend or boyfriend, have a conversation with them about it before jumping to any conclusion.

# Let your partner ask before you act

“Why do I feel unappreciated in my relationship?” If you find yourself asking this question a lot, the answer could be that it’s because you’re too enabling. It is pretty much a given that after having been together a long time, you become extremely familiar with your partner. Their likes, dislikes, preferences, favorites – you know it all. Basically, there is no mystery in your relationship.

All this information that you have, makes doing things for your significant other very easy. After a certain point, your brain just automatically factors them in, no matter what you’re doing. For example, if you’re about to have an apple, you automatically think of cutting one up for your partner. Even though they haven’t asked for one.

# Try saying ‘no’ sometimes

Another reason you could be feeling unappreciated in a relationship is that you agree with and do everything they say. Don’t. Fear of losing your partner can be daunting, especially at the beginning of your relationship. As a result, you may try your best not to offend them, owing to which you may have stopped voicing your opinions altogether.

This can lead to you being taken for granted. If you don’t break this pattern, your connection could degenerate into a codependent relationship over time. A manipulative person may use your insecurities as a trump card to get their way. Thus, when you don’t stand up for yourself, you are practically feeding them with fuel to take you for granted.

# Communicate with your partner

Communication is the key to building a strong relationship. Fear of conflict should not stop you from voicing your thoughts and opinions. If you’re feeling unappreciated in a marriage or relationship, you must let your partner know. Devaleena recommends, “Start developing a voice, state your difficulties and if the other seems oblivious to it, then don’t let it go. Stick to your stand. The more you take responsibility, the more they expect from you.”

If a woman or man feeling unappreciated in a relationship does not communicate their feelings, it will eventually build resentment. To avoid that, you must communicate. There is a chance that your feelings are stemming from your own perception and aren’t a reflection of how your partner feels about you. The only way you can know this for sure is to talk about it. Secondly, if you are feeling unappreciated in a relationship, then talking it out can lead to a solution.

# Divide labor within the relationship

A one-sided relationship can lead to one person being overworked and undervalued. If you feel like you’ve been doing all the work in your relationship, then you need to discuss this with your spouse. There may be a reason for this imbalance in your relationship. Perhaps, they’re under a lot of pressure at work, for instance. Whatever it is, talking about it is important. You’re human and burning the candle at both ends will put an immense strain on you.

If you’ve been feeling unappreciated by your boyfriend or girlfriend for quite some time, see how best you can find a middle path to break this pattern. For instance, if the reason is an increase in your partner’s workload, then they can take over the weekend responsibilities. Things like grocery shopping can be given to them while you handle everyday tasks like cooking. Take your circumstances into account and divide the work.