6 Tips To Take Control Of Your Love Life

Whether you’re single or not, feeling lost in your love life is no way to live. Feeling like your love life is out of your control is never a good feeling. Whether you are searching for your person or struggling in a relationship, you can learn how to take control of your love life.

Someone once said that everyone has the exact love life they want. Although I think that is a loose generalization that discounts mental illness, self-awareness, and abusive relationships, it is partly true.

You are in control of the life you live. No, you can’t force someone to date you. You can’t will yourself a happily ever after nor can you fix the person you’re with. But, you do have the power to take control of your love life.

# Stop giving into old patterns

When you’ve been dating a while, it is easy to get comfortable. Even if you meet new people, you can fall into a pattern. You might go to the same place for first dates and share the same stories. If you want to know how to take control of your love life and aren’t happy with how things are going, branch out.

Try new activities on dates. Give into the conversation instead of pulling at your anecdotes. If you’re in a relationship and fight a lot, you don’t have to keep reacting the same way. You can take control of your behavior and have open and honest communication.

# Consider why you feel out of control

If you are looking to take control of your love life, it is because something feels out of your control. Is it your partner? Is it your lack of partner? Do you feel like you’re meeting the wrong people?

If you are unhappy with your situation, don’t just think about what is making you unhappy, but why? Why are you meeting the wrong people? Can you try a different dating app? Are you going back to your “type”? Are you used to being in a half relationship, so you revert back to that instead of being truly vulnerable?

Once you’ve nailed down why you feel like you don’t have control, work on that.

# Realize your worth

Even if you feel confident, underlying self-esteem issues could be what is holding you back. Dating people that aren’t right for you isn’t just about bad luck. When you fall for someone that isn’t right for you, it is because you believe that is what you deserve.

So many people ask why someone keeps reaching out after ghosting, and my answer is always because you let them. You interact with them and give them a chance even though they have shown their true colors. Is it because you’re lonely? Is it because you hope this time will be different?

Once you realize you deserve better than being someone’s second thought or last resort, you will let go of the people that aren’t treating you right and seek out the good ones.

# Do things you want to do

Focus on what you like. Don’t go out on dates because you feel like you’re wasting time if you don’t. If you prefer to hang out at home with your friends baking, do that.

Your single time is only wasted if you aren’t enjoying yourself every moment you can. Do activities you’re interested in. I’m not saying to stop dating and wait for the right person to show up at your door, but making finding the right person your main goal neglects the rest of your life.

# Accept all outcomes

This was the hardest part for me when I was taking control of my love life. I would build up so much anxiety on dates because I expected it to work out. I was overthinking which made me cancel dates that I didn’t feel would go somewhere.

Instead, I went into dates thinking a relationship was the only acceptable outcome. Once I was able to have hope, but release those expectations, I felt so much calmer going on dates. I didn’t need to be head over heels for who I was meeting just open to all outcomes.

Once I accepted that a date could lead to a relationship, a second date, or nothing, I was able to go into dating with a lot more positivity.

# Let go of the past

If you want to learn how to take control of your love life, remember that your past teaches you a lot of lessons, but letting it control you means you aren’t controlling yourself. You can better see red flags, know what you want and don’t want, and even be more cautious.

These are all good things, but when you let trust issues from the past control your present, you aren’t learning anything but carrying your past along for the ride to your future. This prevents you from seeing all outcomes and truly being vulnerable.